Veggies: Growin' my own in SOG City

There are gardening blogs, websites, and books galore that offer advice on gardening. Most have no clue what it’s like to garden in Central Florida or anywhere else in Florida for that matter, so let me just tell you that whatever worked for you up north won’t work here. If you miss gardening the way you did it in Ohio, as a for instance, then go back to Ohio. Besides, Florida folks just get pissy when they hear, “This is how we did it up north.”

My gardening philosophy is, “If it lives it lives, if it dies it dies.” If it dies, then next time try something else whether it’s a different plant or a different planting time. I tried timing the planting season for vegetables, but Florida weather is too capricious. I had planned on having fresh home grown tomatoes all winter. That didn’t work out too well for me this year because it got colder than the tit of a witch. The intense summer heat, humidity, and drought create special concerns. Those freakin’ nematodes wreak havoc on tomatoes, peppers, and okra to mention but a few nematode magnets. And, there are more bugs and worms than you can shoot with a shotgun that attack every damn thing I plant. I should probably mention that the Tampa police get really poopy when you let loose with a shotgun load in the city.  I have had to resort to other methods of pest control.

So, why do I even try to grow veggies? For one thing they are cheaper and of better quality than what I can get at Publix (the Gandy store just north of SOG City) and even the local fresh produce stand. The other reason is that I must have been a farmer in a previous life, albeit not a very good one which is why I became a famous 17th century highwayman robbing from the rich…and, aw hell, screw the poor. I was a Republican crook, but that is redundant and also another story.

Then what gardening advice can I offer? Yard long or asparagus beans poop pods all summer long and we cook them just like green beans. We had a shit-load* of them last summer. If your crops get hit by nematodes, then revert to container planting the next time.

Collards, mustard greens, chard, and loose leaf lettuce do fine in the ground during cooler weather and those plants even survived our freeze this year. And one last piece of advice; if it is too hot, cold, or rainy to garden, well then...let’s drink!

*An official unit of southern measurement.

If you do quaff a few beers while gardening you might want to jot down some notes on what you plant and where so as to avoid surprises later on.  I had a couple of mystery plants in the garden this year.  One is still a mystery, but the other has revealed itself as a fractal...specifically, a Romanesco cauliflower:

I am looking forward to chowing down on this unusual specimen.  I saw a recipe on line somewhere that said to cut about 4 ounces of smoked bacon into 1 inch pieces, fry them until they are crisp.  Pour off all but a tablespoon or so of the rendered fat, turn down the heat and simmer the chopped up Romanesco until softened a bit.  Then serve this mixture over your favorite pasta (mine is angel hair).  I haven't tried it yet, but it sounds as though it has promise.  We will see.

Today is a glorious day.  I think I shall soak up some sun and suds by the pool.  It beats working!