Happy 1st of July

On July the fourth in the year 1776 the Continental Congress approved the Declaration of Independence that had been signed two days earlier and we became a "free country." That is to say, a country free from British tyranny. And so, in a few days we can expect the night time sky to be illuminated by "the rocket's red glare" as hundreds of thousands of true American patriots exercise their constitutional right to blow their fingers (and other body parts) off with backyard fireworks. Is this a great country, or what?

I swear, it was just last year that one of these "patriots" screamed at the news cameras that the government could not deny him his constitutional rights to set off fireworks. He might have been the same one that I saw in a youtube.com video sticking a bottle rocket in his naked butt and having his friend light it. Holy crap, did that not look painful? You should thank me for not including that video in this blog.

Since I enjoy dabbling in UPL (the unlicensed practice of law) I felt compelled to verify whether the rocket-in-the-ass fellow was indeed guaranteed by the Constitution the right to set his derrière ablaze. It turns out that he does have the right to be an idiot, but fireworks, legal or otherwise, are not mentioned in the Constitution.

As long as we have our copy of the Constitution in hand (you do have a copy, don't you?) why not mention a few other issues commonly attributed to this document? Alright, since you insist.

Separation of Church and State: Nope, it's not in there. Thomas Jefferson did write that the 1st Amendment created a wall of separation between church and state but that phrase itself isn't in the Constitution.

God, Creator, Jesus: These three words do not appear in the Constitution. The word "Lord" does but only in the context of "...The year of our Lord..." which was a common way back in the day of expressing a date, and the Constitution damn sure doesn't state that this is a Christian nation. We are given the right to believe or not any way we, as individuals, choose.

The United States of America - it's a free country: Read your copy of the Constitution! There is nothing in there that states that this is a free country, and be damned glad it doesn't or there would be anarchy in the streets. If this were a free country we could ignore traffic laws, carry guns when and where we choose, and shoot people for any reason or no reason at all. Holy shit! We already do those things, so maybe we truly are a free country. Realistically, we are granted many freedoms, but we are not allowed by law to just run amok without having to answer for our actions.

Innocent Until Proven Guilty: Another big NOPE! If you did the deed, then you are freakin' guilty. Our legal system does grant you the "presumption" of innocence until a jury of your peers (also not a constitutional guarantee) can nail your crusty, guilt-ridden ass to the wall.

I could go on since constitutional misconceptions run rampant in this country. Instead, the next time some "patriotic" nut-case, who has never read the Constitution, screams, "Read the Constitution!"...well, whip out your copy and set this clown straight. Good luck with that, though.