The Commandments: Re-constructed

Many in our society bemoan the fact that the words of our country’s founding fathers do not adequately reflect their views on how this great country should be guided. As a consequence some of our citizens want to re-write the Constitution and base it upon the bible of the Christians…eliminating the Bill of Rights and substituting the Ten Commandments.

Would that work? I don’t know, but why not give it some thought. First we need to decide which version of the Commandments to peruse. The Commandments are not exclusive to the Christians and even within Christianity the Commandments are translated and interpreted in different ways though keeping the same ten basic elements. Other religions have their versions and some of those have more than ten. To keep it simple we will do the Deuteronomy translation.

1. This one has a couple of ambiguities like the “I…brought you…out of the house of slavery” part, but yet in the tenth you are not allowed to desire your neighbor’s slaves? I think the main thrust is the having no other gods “before me.” What about after? What about the gods of Money and Power that we worship in this country? They would be sorely p.o.ed if we dissed them…wouldn’t they? And, idols are not allowed. Hopefully, that includes American Idol.
2. Taking the Lord’s name in vain has always been a biggie, but let’s look at the phrase “goddammit!” Isn’t that more like a prayer than a curse? As in “God, damn the stupid, asinine, thoughtless thing I just did and don’t let me do it again.” It’s just a thought.
3. Keep the Sabbath holy, and what could be holier than Buccaneers Sunday? Religion runs rampant as the stadium prays for a completed pass or, be still my thumping gizzard, a freakin’ touchdown.
4. Honor Mom and Dad…in this country, my ass! Call the cops on them or sue them if they try to instill a sense of decency in your juvenile little self. Honoring parents is something they do in other countries, not here.
5. “You shall not kill.” Then why is this country arming itself, and against whom? It’s our Second Amendment right to pack a piece and defend ourselves against all who would disagree with our views on…well, anything.
6. Adultery? I don’t need a commandment for this one. I’ve got a wife. She has said I can do anything I want, but if it involves fun and she is not around, then I am not allowed. Moving on…
7. Stealing might be a bad idea…too many patriotic Americans are packing heat and if you survive you could wind up being Bubba’s bride in Raiford (Florida’s version of e-Harmony.com).
8. Bearing false witness I think means you would be a prime candidate to run for public office in Florida.
9. Covet thy neighbor’s wife? Have you seen the ass on that woman? I am not sure that the neighbor even covets her all that much. Anyway, this one was previously addressed in commandment six, so let’s not be redundant.
10. Well, this one has a few redundancies and contradictions. We are not supposed to desire our neighbor’s slaves. Well alright, I won’t! And, that goes for his house, his ox, his fat ass (see: Number 9) and anything else he owns. 

I saw a sign in front of a local church that stated, “The Ten Commandments are not suggestions.” The same goes for the Constitution. It is the law of the land. These are two powerful documents, but let’s keep them as they are. Or, I won't re-write yours if you don't re-write mine.