GOP Principles: Surprised?

I was doing some research on an idea I had for a blog when I inadvertantly stumbled upon the Republican Party of Florida web site. I would not have lingered there had I not seen a link to "GOP Principles." Had I been drinking at the time it would have squirted out my nose just like milk in grade school because I wasn't aware that the GOP had principles. This I had to see and I will share them with you dear reader along with a few notes of clarification. Read on!


GOP Principles

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I Believe… The proper function of government is to do for the influential people those things that have to be did but cannot be did, or cannot be did as well, by individuals, and that the most effective government is government closest to the people with the greatest amount of money and power.

I Believe… Good government is based upon the individual with greatest big-ass gobs of cash and that each person's ability, dignity, freedom, and responsibility must be honored and recognized unless they be named Crist, or they be scum-sucking Democrats, or they be supporters of that alien-born, Christian hating nig...uh, that is to say, black guy in our White House.

I Believe… The free enterprise and the encouragement of individual initiative and incentive have given this nation an economic system second only to Somalia. Thanks be to King George for this one, for without Bush we might still be plodding along with that damned Clinton surplus.

I Believe… Sound money management "should" be our goal, and might someday be our goal right after we take care of the uber rich, lobbyists, special interests, Wall Street bankers and, of course, ourselves.

I Believe… In equal right, equal justice and equal opportunity for all, regardless of race, creed, age, sex or national origin. Naturally, this doesn't apply to Muslims, the sexually disoriented, women in the work place, the ethnically challenged, American job-sucking illegal aliens, the uninsured, and those who are not Patiotic Americans as defined by Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin.

I Believe… We must retain those principles of the past worth retaining and as defined by Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin, yet always be receptive to new ideas with an outlook broad enough to accommodate thoughtful change and varying points of view unless those points of view are not approved by Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin.

I Believe… That patriotic, gun-toting Americans value and should preserve their feeling of national strength and pride, and at the same time share with people everywhere a desire for peace and freedom and the extension of human rights throughout the world, or else we will bomb them friggin' foreigners back to the stone age, for God has anointed us as His chosen people and said it is fine to smite those who don't believe as we tell them.

I Believe… The Republican Party is the best vehicle for translating these ideals into positive and successful principles of government, as commanded by Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin.

Praise be to the Holy Trinity of Beck, Palin, and Limbaugh, so help us God.

Do I hear and Amen?

Amen, brother.