The latest buzz around the blogosphere sent out shock waves of concern amongst those Floridians still capable of ripping off a piece now and then. In other words, fornicating, in the very Biblical sense. Many in our fair state are in a state of discombobulation over the just passed Florida Statute 828.126 which states that the state no longer tolerates folks having carnal knowledge of just any passing creature.
Yes indeedy, the 2011 Clusterf**k in Tallahassee (a.k.a. the Republican dominated legislature), after many years of indecision, officially declared bestiality to be illegal. That, in itself, is not what stirred up the masses. Well, maybe the stump-broke cow breeders up yonder in the panhandle were a bit put out, but that is a whole different topic we will save for another time.
What caused the angst was the statute's wording which sounded as though copulation would be illegal no matter with what or with whom one rumpy-pumpied: "An act relating to sexual activities involving animals; creating s. 828.126, F.S.; providing definitions; prohibiting knowing sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal; [...]."
The argument proffered was, since humans are animals and sex with animals will be prohibited as of October 1st, that we Floridians better get all we can right now, because in the fall law abiding citizens will be...well, shit outta luck nookie-wise!
UPL or the unlicensed pratice of law is a felony in Florida, but damn the law, because the Oracle is here to advise you that you may be safe. From F.S. 828.02 Definitions: "In this chapter, and in every law of the state relating to or in any way affecting animals, the word “animal” shall be held to include every living dumb creature."
So, Florida, I would interpret that to mean you can do the horizontal boogie with any living creature of your choosing, just as long as it isn't a dumb one.
Yes, I know. There are those reading these words who are wondering, "Well, what about that blonde (whether it be male or female) that I picked up in the bar the other night that was dumber than a box of dildos? Hell, if'n I couldn't do a dumb one, I'd never get laid. Does that count agin me?"
Sorry Mortimer, any further legal counseling from the SOG City Oracle Legal Department is billable.
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