Florida has allowed a liar and crook to buy the state - Chief Executive Orifice, Rick with a P, Scott.
One of Scott's first decisions was to reject billions of Federal dollars for high speed rail - dollars that other states were overjoyed to accept.
Throughout recorded Florida history beginning in the 1500's (near the start of Rick Perry's American Revolution), animals in the state could be used for, among other things, man's sexual gratification. Having failed to pass any meaningful legislation in recent years, the Florida Legislature decided at long last to make bestiality illegal, and can now claim they actually did something.
Pigs are especially blessed in our state. Not only do they benefit from the above mentioned law, but the Florida Legislature amended the state Constitution favoring the female of the species. This is the Pregnant Pig Amendment. I believe Florida is the only state to recognize pigs in the Constitution.
It's a foregone conclusion that anytime a Florida Republican, state or Federal, opens their mouth that something ridiculous will emanate from this cavern of inanity. As a consequence, it would be a monumental task to list all occurrences in a short space, but allow me to amaze you with the latest.
Senator Jim Norman (R-Tampa) recently introduced SB 1246 in the state Senate which makes it a felony of the first degree for anyone who takes pictures of a pig pen. Do you sense a trend developing here? By the way, murder and kidnapping fall into the same felonious category.
The Florida legislature recently passed House Bill 1355, the voter suppression bill, a solution in search of a problem. Florida House Bill 1355 would mean fewer state residents, especially the most vulnerable, would have their voices heard in local, state and national debates. So much for the 15th, 19th and 24th Amendments to the U.S. Constitution, 'cause them there Amendments don't say nothin' about pigs, and we'uns in Florida loves our pigs.
Here is the most recent reason why Florida should just sit down and shut up to avoid embarrassing itself any further:
After dining at a local Waffle House, Representative Brad Drake, a Republican (goes without saying) from the Panhandle town of Eucheeanna, filed legislation to introduce firing squads to Florida's death row. Said Drake, "I say let's end the [capital punishment] debate. We still have 'Old Sparky.' And if that doesn't suit the criminal, then we will provide them a .45-caliber lead cocktail instead." Drake wasn't through yet, "There shouldn't be anything controversial about a .45-caliber bullet. If it were up to me, we would just throw them off the Sunshine Skyway bridge and be done with it." (Note to self: Eschew eating at Waffle House, any of them)
Drake didn't mention anything about a trial, fair or otherwise, before feeding the accused to the fishes. If that carpetbagger prick with ears in Tallahassee ever questions why major corporations aren't flocking to Florida in droves, then he needs to look at the douche bags Florida has put in the Legislature.
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Editor's note: I grew up in the Florida Panhandle and never heard of Eucheeanna. There is such a place, though, in Walton County. About this alternate reality village, Google responded with, "Eucheeanna, the first Scottish settlement in territorial Florida, was named in honor of the Euchee Indians. Tradition holds that the first slave child was born in the settlement."
Additional note to self: Eschew vacation in Eucheeanna.
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