Heavenly Second Thoughts

The Dear Abby column that appeared in the November 18, 2011 edition of the St. Pete Times presented a very intriguing theological question. What if you don't like the people you are going to be bunking with for an eternity in the great beyond?

A letter writer from Mississippi was having second thoughts about going to heaven after she dies. Her concerns centered around the possibility that she might be tossed in with a bunch of fellow angels, some of whom, like a few family members, she didn't much like while here on Earth. She is speculating that if she didn't like them down here then she figures she wouldn't like them any better up yonder.

After ruminating on that for awhile, I can see that for the heaven bound a situation like that could put a damper on this whole notion of celestial bliss. Thankfully, people such as I don't have to worry about such things. I mean, I don't imagine they call it hell for nothing!

Mississippi said that if she had to spend eternity with these people then she didn't want to go. She went on to say that hell wasn't a particularly attractive alternative either. I can certainly see how this lady would be conflicted. If I believed in the Christian concept of heaven and hell, I wouldn't be real happy spending eternity in a fiery pit; although, I would be sizzling along with some pretty interesting fellow sinners. On the other hand, spending forever in the company of a bunch of assholes I didn't like before and still didn't like would make heaven a hell of a place.

It should probably be asserted here that just because Mississippi doesn't like certain people that doesn't mean these people are bad or unworthy to sit on a cloud for eternity fingering a harp or whatever the hell they do up there for fun. Who knows, she may luck out and get stuck on a cloud with a whole gaggle of Christian conservative, holier-than-thou, hypocritical Republican Tea Baggers.

My apologies, this was supposed to be a theological discussion, not political. Now, what was I talking about, heaven or hell? I got confused there for a moment.

Thankfully I don't have the same conundrum as Mississippi. Mistress Bachmann has already sentenced me to hell along with all the other liberal-progressive, scum sucking, socialist, anti-stupidity Americans who say she is an idiot. Abby, though, suggested that Mississippi have a chat with St. Peter at the pearly gates and ask for different heavenly accommodations. Maybe tell him, "Michele will put in a good word for you with God."

I'd be interested in hearing how that turns out.