I found myself feeling a little bored during taint week last year - taint Christmas, taint New Years - tis the week in between (you didn't think crude thoughts here, did you?). Anyway, I was surfing the 'net for something that totally escapes me now, when I stumbled across a cookie recipe that caught my eye. It is germane at this juncture to point out two things: I am not an aficionado of sweet things, excluding my trophy bride, and I have seldom baked anything that didn't at one time wander about the barn yard.
The recipe in question included two ingredients that I consider to be vital to the continued well being of the evolved human animal, to wit; fried bacon, and Bourbon whiskey. Were I to be of the female persuasion I would have included chocolate, but I am not. This recipe is attributed to Lee Anne Wong, who is a female, which accounts for the chocolate.
During the taint week I cooked her cookies. After a taste, my bride said she may keep me around for awhile. She took some of these gut bombs to work and they were apparently well received. The buzz around the office is that I might trade the recipe for some sort of favors. Since the love of my life is not receptive to me receiving "favors" from outside our stately pleasure-dome:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man...
I will share my baking experience with you, dear reader, gratis.
Bacon, Bourbon, and Chocolate Chunk Cookies
I read on a recipe creation web site that one should always start with the main ingredient: In this case a fifth of Kentucky Bourbon. I like Early Times because of the slight sweetness that works well in a mint julep. The recipe only requires two tablespoons of Bourbon, the rest is for the chef.
You need eight ounces of dark chocolate with a 65% or higher cocoa content. The best I could find was a 60% Ghirardelli from Publix on Gandy, where shopping is an adventure. You will need to chop or smash these bars into small pieces no bigger than a half inch in all geometric directions.
The 12 ounces of bacon needs to be thick and fatty because you are going to need a half cup of rendered fat in this recipe. Aw, come on, this is some good fat.
If you bake a lot you probably already have vanilla extract on hand. If not, then you are going to have to locate 1 teaspoon of it somewhere. I have some to spare.
You will also need 3/4 of a cup of granulated sugar, and 3/4 of a cup of brown sugar, plus two large raw eggs.
Oh, yeah! Remember that roll of parchment paper some well meaning soul bought a couple of years ago that has resided ever since in the hall closet? Thanks, Babe. You can use it now.
Maybe you're beginning to see the relevance of having a fifth of Bourbon at hand?
Let's drink, and rock 'n' roll!
Cut the bacon into 1/4 inch dice and cook just until brown and crispy. Then remove with a slotted spoon and place on a paper towel to drain. Strain and save a half cup (4 fl. oz.) of the bacon fat and put it in the refrigerator until it congeals like soft butter. Speaking of which, you will be needing a stick of softened butter. The key here is softened, not melted. And use real butter, not the fake crap. Damn the cholesterol!
The oven needs to be getting to 375 degrees Fahrenheit at this point, so turn the flippin' thing on and taste test the Bourbon.
You are going to need two bowls, a big one and a small one.
In the small bowl, combine 2 1/2 cups of all purpose flour, 1 teaspoon of baking soda, 1 teaspoon of salt, and 1/4 teaspoon of baking powder. Mix them up! They need to be confused.
In the big bowl: Whip the crap out of the butter, chilled bacon fat, all of the sugars, Bourbon, and vanilla extract. Once well combined, add the eggs one at a time, beating well as you go. Then gradually beat in the flour. Next, gently stir in the bacon and the chocolate until all of this is combined into a gooey glump. You might need to steady your nerves at this point with an adult beverage - think Bourbon.
Be brave, we are almost there.
Lay a sheet of parchment paper on top of a baking sheet (or any clean metal 12 x 20 inch surface). Scoop a tablespoon of the aforementioned glump, ball it up, and drop it on the parchment paper at 3 inch intervals. Think "dress and cover." Alignment counts - especially if one is a Virgo.
Depending on your particular oven, bake for 10 minutes or until you have achieved golden brownness. Then let your cookies, or hockey pucks (assuming over cookery), cool until the molten chocolate no longer raises blisters on your mouth parts.
I could only do 12 glumps per sheet, so I did the baking part twice and ultimately wound up with 24 babe-magnet cookies.
Guys, if you score (points) with this recipe, then you are welcome. Otherwise, you still have the Bourbon.