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Sunday, September 1, 2013

Love Those Food Challenges

Amazing! The stuff you come across when surfing the Inter-tubes can be down right amazing. I came upon a couple of sites that contained very eye-opening reviews of some of the Gluttany-is-Cool challenges that have taken place around Tampa Bay.

From a personal and practical stand point, I think these food orgies are obscene...on several levels. For one thing, some of these human garbage disposals are cramming more food down their throats in 30 minutes than some people see in a week, or a month, or longer. We have children in this country, the United States of Obesity, who are verging on starvation because of congressional budget cuts.

Boehner and the boys, I'm talking to you.

And, then to rub salt in undernourished wounds, we treat gluttony as a sporting event with contestants who are revered and praised in the gastronomic arenas and on television. There is something truly wrong with our values or lack of values. We need to be feeding the hungry, not praising the gluttons.

Oopsie-daisy! My train seems to have jumped the tracks, so let me get to the reviews.

One of the more exciting local food challenges is the much feared and much coveted Inferno Soup Challenge at Nitally's Thai-Mex. Many have tried, and many have (almost) died trying to down this 48-ounce soup made from bhut jolokia, also known as ghost chili. Contestants have only 20 minutes to complete the challenge.

How exciting it would have been to be dining at Nitally's when one of these recent food challenges took place. You could have a ring side seat to watch the spectacle playing out in front of you while enjoying a tasty treat from the menu (their food really is good). You could cheer the challenger on as he...shit in his pants! Yes, sports fans, right there before your very eyes he projectile blasted. Pooped in his pantaloons. Dumped in his dungarees. What a treat!

Nitally's had to ditch the chair, and the contest has been moved outdoors.

Joy to the world!

The other noteworthy challenge took place at EATS! American Grill in South Tampa. They had some sort of hamburger challenge that would have made dining at EATS! a day to remember, and a meal you would never forget.

Yepper, let's enjoy our cold beer and chicken wings while watching the contestant...violently heave after only five minutes. You could lick the tangy sauce off your fingers while the staff frantically grabbed a bucket for the barfing contestant. Oh, good times, good times. The man's daughter was observed racing for a door, any door, with her hand over her mouth as the contest was abruptly terminated.

I have never watched Adam Richman on the Travel Channel program Man vs. Food. I can't help but wonder if this is what I have been missing. My advice though, would be if a food challenge starts while you are dining...pay your bill and head for the door.

Bon App├ętit, y'all.

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